Lockdown and Love

That title sounds dodgy...but couldn't think of anything else to describe this post...😊

During this time of lockdown, I have come to realise even more how the Lord doesn't need to be with us physically in the Eucharist to reveal is love to us!

One Sunday a couple of weeks ago, I had a beautiful moment with the Lord during 'Communion' as our flat watched a virtual Mass. I've been finding it very difficult to focus during Mass, because it's so different! Not necessarily the structure because that remains the same, but just the fact that we're sitting on couches at home, in comfy clothes, snuggled under blankets, for the whole Mass. 
Easter Vigil Mass setup (our Mass environment isn't always this fancy!)



But this time, I had prayed the prayer of Spiritual Communion, and closed my eyes, and I felt so close to Jesus! Like He was sitting on the couch by my side, and I was resting my head on His shoulder, full of peace and joy and love. I felt closer than I normally do at Mass in a church.

And that has happened many times during this lock down period so far. I've felt Him right next to me, filling me with peace. I've rested my head on His shoulder.  

And I think this is part of my discernment process.
One of my biggest doubts and struggles is that I have never been in a relationship before. I don't want to go into Religious Life wondering 'what if.' But at the same time I don't want to walk around looking for a relationship, and then when (if!) I'm in one only using the guy to cross marriage off my list...

I know I need to rely on Jesus first and foremost, and love Him more than anything or anyone else. But I'm human and still desire the love and affection of someone human! 
It's confusing...

But over these last couple of weeks, I have come to know the Lord as more of a companion, friend, someone who really does satisfy all my needs, who can fill my desire to be loved. ðŸ’•

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