Concerning Discerning

Why is it that being on the brink of greatness is such an invitation for sudden darkness? Why is it that excitement for the future seems to steal the joy in the now? How is it that I am meant to stay grounded while dreams are set in motion? How do I make the most of now when it's so empty compared to what I know will be? When is it that I will step off this precipice and soar into new beginnings? When will the pinprick light win out against the shadows of doubt and fear? What is it that compels me to still hope when worldliness overwhelms me? Or rather Who is it? But Love Himself who meets me right here.  (Poem from my prayer journal, 24th October) Have you ever made a decision which you know will lead to great things, and then all of sudden it seems like the whole universe is conspiring against you? That's been the past couple of weeks for me since I announced my plans for next year! Never have I experienced such stress, exhaustion and anxiety. Not even about the future - but ...

This blog post was originally published by Evangelion, a new movement with a mission of evangelising New Zealand. Check it out here:  https://www.evangelion.co.nz/ You wouldn’t buy a phone without also investing in a phone charger, right? Without the charger, the phone is pointless. It might work for a couple of days, but once it’s out of battery, that’s it! Similarly, we humans need a power source, we need to charge our batteries too. This world is so draining, with all its expectations, demands, busyness and labels. I think we’ve all at some point in our lives felt drained, like we have nothing left to give. Like we’re on a hamster wheel and can’t seem to jump off. I was speaking to a friend the other day who said she felt like she’d lost her purpose, like she wasn’t moving forward anymore but stuck in the same repetitive cycle. What gives us life? What is our power source, what keeps us charged up and living life to the full? We all want to have life to the full. Not such a full...

 In a recent reading of the day, St Paul writes (2 Corinthians 12):   “…a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated.”  I’ve been getting very caught up with a ‘thorn in my flesh’ lately. While the above image is a little uncomfortable, it illustrates this point well!  St Paul boasts of his weaknesses, so here’s one of mine:  I am a perfectionist. I like to have everything worked out well in advance, and achieved to the very best possible standard. I like knowing what’s coming up and how I can prepare for it so I can remain in control.   That’s a bit of an issue when you have a God who isn’t a fan of comfort zones and likes chucking us in the deep end! I know He'd never give us more than we can handle, and being challenged simply makes us rely on him even more, which I’m grateful for. I would definitely not be the person I am today without the Lords promptings to do crazy new things! But whe...

This blog post was originally published under the title below by Evangelion, a new movement with a mission of evangelising New Zealand. Check it out here:  https://www.evangelion.co.nz/ True Beauty & the Three Transcendentals Have you ever seen an ugly depiction of Mother Mary?   Probably not.  Was Mary beautiful?  In terms of physical appearance who knows. We obviously have no photos taken or portraits painted by the original disciples to prove her beauty! For all we know (no offense Mary) Mother Mary could have been the ugliest young teenage girl in all of Nazareth.  But was Mary beautiful?  Yes. Without a doubt, yes!   Why? Because beauty is so much more than just outward appearance. Note: The above section was not included in the Evangelion blog due to it's questionable theological correctness. As a priest said; "Being made by God we are beautiful, ugliness or imperfection is the effect of sin! Mary being Immaculate and not having ori...

Hearts Aflame last year (check out the last part of this blog post for a recap of that experience) lead to a year of saying 'no.' I realised it wasn't healthy to be spread so thinly across so many different ministries, and learnt the importance of (and how hard it is!) saying 'no.' Someone said it so well at Hearts this year: "The quality of your yes often depends on the quantity of your no's." And then COVID19 came along and joined the fun by enforcing a 'no' in every aspect of life! I guess it was actually a blessing in disguise as it helped me refocus and do something productive with all my newfound spare time. Well, at Hearts Aflame this year, God revealed to me why He nudged me to say 'no' last year. Hearts Aflame 2021 Participants As mentioned in my ' This is Me ' blog post, I really struggled with bullying and peer pressure when I was in High School, and learnt to base my identity off others (often imagined) opinions of ...

 Last night was our 16th and final show for Porirua Little Theatre's 'The Sound of Music.' The past month has been super full on, with roughly 48 hours of flute playing, not including rehearsals leading up to shows! But I've loved every second of it.  The Porirua Little Theatre (PLT) community has been such a blessing to be a part of and I've loved seeing how a love of music/theatre has united people from so many different backgrounds, beliefs, and cultures. I do not mean this in a degrading way at all, but it's not often you find LGBTQ+ people and Catholics working side by side with no conflict whatsoever (that I know of anyway!), simply acceptance and love. I believe that's how it should be everywhere - after all as Catholic's we are called to be like Jesus, who is Love! And I know it is possible because I've now experienced it. Everyone was so lovely and I am so thankful that God made a way for me to have this amazing opportunity! I say God made a...

It's been a crazy couple of weeks, very busy, but in a good way compared to last years busyness! This past week and a bit I've participated in a two day Human Sexuality course for teachers, and then a two day Theology of the Body course. I've been to a diocesan conference, had a first orchestra rehearsal for the Sound of Music, run a Year 12 retreat, and begun FIAT 90! I am very glad that it's the weekend. 😌 I found out about FIAT 90 at the TOB course, and it began three days later, so I'm still wrapping my head around what I said yes to! But basically it's a female version of the well known  Exodus 90 , and it involves starting or giving up things to do with your body, mind and soul for 90 days. Like a very intense 90 day retreat! Body Heroic minute (no snoozing your alarm, just get up!) Eat 3 meals a day, no snacks in between Workout 6 times a week No sweets or desserts No seconds at a cafe/restaurant Fasting on Wednesday's and Friday's Bed by midnigh...

My week has been pretty amazing!  I had a lot on, and had a little panic last week when I looked ahead and became overwhelmed and brought into the lie that it was not possible to get through it all! Things like: Catch ups with Sr Marie, Sr Rachel and Sr Therese Running 30min Staff PLD  Prepping + running a second and third Sacramental Session My parents birthdays School Assumption Mass music Running a Life Teen night Relief teaching flute Stress + lack of sleep + cold = a weak mess. One morning I literally lay in a ball on the ground not wanting to face the day.  Then I said 'OK God - you have to motivate me today. I don't want to move. You need to be the strength for both of us today. Motivate me to move!'  And I got up, went to work, and had a surprisingly good day! All it took was surrendering and then actually acting - getting up off the ground and doing something. I guess I was kinda like a puppet in God's hands that day (not in a creepy or over-controlling kind...

These past couple of weeks have been such a beautiful time of self-discovery.  I think being at Tyburn re-ignited something in me, and I was re-focused for whatever would come.

 An Intro to Blog Book Studies 📚 Lately I’ve been battling between Christian and secular entertainment. Binge-watching ‘Friends’ (which I had never actually seen before last week!) and reading romance novels seem great at the time. But I can never seem to get enough. I can’t put them down – and when I do they leave me hanging at the end, and longing for more.It's almost like I'm addicted.   And I guess, like Ignatius, I’m finding that these things, while great at the time, just don’t satisfy! What does satisfy are healthy + inspirational movies, thought-provoking spiritual books, Radio Rhema and it’s music and messages, and of course scripture!

Something that Jimmy brought up in his retreat on the principle of 'work' was how important it is to allow our work to become prayer, to unite all we do with Jesus and allow Him to sanctify our work.  The next day the First Reading was Acts 20:17-27, and I was particularly struck by verse 22/24: "And now, as captive to the Spirit, I am on my way...not knowing what will happen to me...But I do not count my life of any value to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the Good News of God's Grace." Since then, one of my daily prayers has been: "Come Holy Spirit, take me captive so I can't help but follow where You lead and do what You ask of me today!" And the Spirit definitely has! We've been on some great adventures together lately 😊 

NZ is now in Covid Alert Level 2 (can't read that without hearing the 'this is a Covid-19 announcement' voice that's been popping up all over our media like we're in an apocalyptic movie or something 😅).  This means life has returned to almost normal - I'm working back at school, shops are open again (with added safety procedures), strangers are a little less likely to cross the road to avoid you, and I can see my friends and family again. In fact, today we only have  one active case ! And I went to Mass for the first time in about 10 weeks, on Pentecost Sunday! I'd like it say it was a beautiful blessed moment, but I hadn't really prepared my heart to receive Jesus, plus it was 8am and I was half asleep, and it wasn't my own parish (sadly only two parishes in Wellington were offering Mass this weekend with a 100 person cut off). It has been a big shock to the system - especially as an introvert who's become very comfortable with only interactin...