The Battle

Why is it that being on the brink of greatness is such an invitation for sudden darkness?
Why is it that excitement for the future seems to steal the joy in the now?
How is it that I am meant to stay grounded while dreams are set in motion?
How do I make the most of now when it's so empty compared to what I know will be?
When is it that I will step off this precipice and soar into new beginnings?
When will the pinprick light win out against the shadows of doubt and fear?
What is it that compels me to still hope when worldliness overwhelms me?

Or rather Who is it? But Love Himself who meets me right here. 

(Poem from my prayer journal, 24th October)

Have you ever made a decision which you know will lead to great things, and then all of sudden it seems like the whole universe is conspiring against you?

That's been the past couple of weeks for me since I announced my plans for next year! Never have I experienced such stress, exhaustion and anxiety. Not even about the future - but more about coping with the now. 

It's been so hard to balance everything and see it all through - my youth ministry job, study, youth group, flat community etc...- when I know none of this will be my responsibility very soon. It's been so hard to be present in the now when there's so much excitement to look forward to in the future and I just want to be there already! 

But deep down I know it will all work out in the end. I know that God is using this time of endings and transition for His glory too. I know that the darkness never has the final say. 

I journaled this last night after a particularly difficult day (poems seem to be my hearts cry in this season💕):

I am a child of the Above

I am a daughter of the King

I am bound by this body

But yet my spirit sings.

I stand on a battle field

Today I almost lost

But I am never defeated

My victory is in the cross.

So gone are my worries

Gone are my cares

I lay them down

Like swords and like spears

No need for weapons

I shoulder my cross

And step bravely into battle

Which can never be lost.

No fear, no doubt

Just Love coursing through my veins

An all-powerful adrenalin

That makes the enemy look away.

I am a warrior

Who hasn't lost a fight

Though my cross is heavy

My burden is light.

 


 

 



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