2018 - Present
Following on from my post 'The Beginning,' here's a brief (be warned I don't do brief very well!) overview of my Vocation journey from then till now.
I don't know why exactly (and I know it's a good idea to tell as few people as necessary in the beginning), but I really felt like I should tell my Grandparents (on my Mum's side) - my Nonno and Nonna - abut this call I'd felt at camp.
So the day camp finished, I briefly went and visited them to let them know.
I felt so excited and happy, and honestly like I'd just been proposed to, and was going to inform my grandparents...I was excited to see their joy for me too. They are very Catholic and very faithful, and I think one reason I told them is because I know their love and prayers throughout this time will be so powerful!
I've also told a handful of other friends since then, who I know will support me throughout this journey, and pray and intercede for me too.
2018
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| Couldn't find a recent pic - so enjoy these pics I took of a VCR video that was made showing moments from my birth until after my first birthday! We unearthed it for my 21st this year 😍 This is the moment they first laid eyes one me...😭 |
Grandparents 💕
I don't know why exactly (and I know it's a good idea to tell as few people as necessary in the beginning), but I really felt like I should tell my Grandparents (on my Mum's side) - my Nonno and Nonna - abut this call I'd felt at camp.
So the day camp finished, I briefly went and visited them to let them know.
I felt so excited and happy, and honestly like I'd just been proposed to, and was going to inform my grandparents...I was excited to see their joy for me too. They are very Catholic and very faithful, and I think one reason I told them is because I know their love and prayers throughout this time will be so powerful!Friends
I was just a term in to my second year of mission with the Catholic Youth Mission Team in Christchurch, NZ and returned there soon after this camp. Again, I felt so excited and joyful, and like I could burst...I had to tell somebody what had happened to me! Like I said, it felt like I'd been proposed to and that was hard to keep a secret! So, I told one of my closest friends there, and he assured me of his prayers too.I've also told a handful of other friends since then, who I know will support me throughout this journey, and pray and intercede for me too.
Spiritual Director + Book
I told my Mission Team pastoral carer/supervisor (I know, not doing very well at telling nobody...), and she suggested I find a Spiritual Director.
So I met with a Sister of Mercy in Christchurch, talked with her about this call, and she lent me a book called 'Vocations Anonymous - A Handbook for Adults Discerning Priesthood and Religious Life' which I very slowly began reading through and found very helpful!
Visited Carmelites and Beatitudes
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| A glimpse of what it's like to visit the Carmelites (disclaimer: image from Google, I have no idea why there's a wizard) |
I had begun to create a list of my 'Dream Sisterhood' and visiting these beautiful Sisters helped me add things to my list (both likes and dislikes). I spent a couple of days out at the Beatitudes retreat center 'recuperating' from my year of mission, and preparing to head back home to Wellington.
2019
2019, adjusting to life back in Wellington after two years of full time mission work, I kind of put discernment to the back of my mind as I busied myself with multiple other ministries and jobs.I continued to meet with a Spiritual Director every month or so. And I also watched a documentary called 'All or Nothing' about Sr Clare Crockett. This helped me add to my 'Dream Sisterhood' list.
But nothing major happened!
Jan - March 2020
Hearts Aflame 2020
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| Hearts Aflame 2020 Participants |
In January this year, I went to a Catholic Summer School called 'Hearts Aflame.' It was 10 days long, starting with a 3 day retreat, and I loved it!!
Biggest highlight would have to have been meeting so many different Religious Sisters. It is pretty uncommon in NZ to see Sisters just wondering around - and even if they do you don't often notice them because most of them are plain clothed. So I made the most of this opportunity and tried to have a conversation with every sister there!
One night I went and sat waiting in line to go to a prayer team. I don't know why but I just felt like I really wanted to receive prayer from the two Sisters of Mercy (from Sydney) who were one of the prayer teams for the night. Luckily enough they were free when I came to the front of the line. And while they were praying over me, I just felt quite strongly that I wanted to go and visit them in Sydney, and see what their life is like.
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| My Hearts Aflame Small Group |
One thing lead to another, and since I was planning on visiting them, I thought I may as well make a trip of it and visit the Missionaries of Gods Love (MGL) Sisters as well. So I talked with both sisters about the possibility of visiting. I made the resolution to take a big step in my discernment journey and visit Australia for a couple of weeks, to stay with the MGL's and Sisters of Mercy. I contacted them both In March and waited to hear back.
Letting Go + Saying No!
I also made the decision during a beautiful prayer time in the chapel at Hearts Aflame, and nudged by a helpful conversation I had with Sr Rachel (MGL), to step back from all of my ministries this year. I came to realise that it wasn't healthy or very life-giving for me to be doing so much. In 2019, when people asked me what I did with my spare time, I would say 'ministry...' cause I honestly had no free time!
I had no time to simply be me, to do things I enjoyed, to learn more about who God created me to be.
[Brief God-incidence: So I'd just realised this, and the next day I was meant to leave Hearts early to go help lead at a LifeTeen Summer Camp. But I had an upset stomach, and was told to just stay and rest. Stayed in my dorm most of the afternoon, dozing, and very randomly (I never check all those extra links) discovered a link on my 'Laudate' app to a website called 'Heart of Mary,' where the most recent entry was titled 'LESSONS FROM OUR LADY: HOW TO SAY “NO” MORE OFTEN, WITHOUT GUILT!' and I was like 'OK God....really driving it home'...I ended up staying another day till the end of Hearts, and my stomach was completely fine the next day so God must have wanted me to stay till the very end, and discover that link! Which was fine by me cause I didn't want to go yet!]
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| #staymarried ?? |
So I slowly said 'no' to all those different ministries - LifeTeen youth group, Jesus 4 Real Camps and Young Adults group leadership roles, XLT worship leading and probably something else I've forgotten. This was painful and freeing at the same time - as I really struggle to say 'no' and let people down. I kept saying 'no' and then almost going back on my word. But for 2020, I decided that my focus instead was to be my new job as a College Youth Minister, and the community at the Catholic Women's flat 'Mary's Mantle' that I'd just moved in to. Just those two things. Not 5 others on the side.
Then I struggled to know what to do with all the free time I now had - and would often fill it with unimportant to do list tasks and Netflix and chores.
Until Covid-19 came along and forced me to stay at home and actually find productive, life-giving things to do with my free time!
And thus 'Concerning Discerning' was born...
Stay tuned for more blog posts on life during Covid lockdown!
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