Discernment Weekend

Since my last post, I've completed the first MGL Enquirers Programme Session, and two days ago I participated in an online Discernment Weekend with their sisters in Sydney!

That's one good thing that has come out of this pandemic I guess...It's not like I had anything better to do with my weekend...I could journey to Sydney and go through a whole weekend retreat, all without leaving the comfort of my own room! (Although to be honest I am still felling the effects of soooo much screen time 😅). 

This weekend was amazing!! I felt so excited and joy-filled to be a part of it, and lapped it all up! Something moved in my heart and I thought 'maybe this is where I belong!' (again not guaranteed, but I have to start somewhere!). Next step would be to go and visit the Sisters in person. 

I could include all my notes here...pages and pages of them! But I'll just run through some of my highlights. 😊

• Beginning the weekend with Adoration

We tuned in via Zoom, and had an hour of silent Adoration. Yes I wasn't the only one there - the Sisters were in the chapel, and there were others on the call with me. But all I could see on the screen was Jesus, and it felt so right (aside from the fact I was behind a screen and not physically in the chapel)! It brought me back to that time I spent in the prayer room at J4R camp, just me and Jesus.

My Adoration/Mass/Prayer time set up for the weekend 

• Morning prayer - the sisters singing in tongues 😍

This is by far my favourite way to hear the gift of tongues - in song! When everyone is saying different garbled words, and everyone is singing totally different tunes, and it shouldn't work. But it does - it sounds so beautiful! A reminder of how the Spirit takes all our differences, and unites us and makes something beautiful out of us. 

• Hearing the Sister's testimonies and Vocation stories. 

Rosie spoke about how she had done a year of NET ministry, and realised that she didn't simply want to do a second year - but she wanted to do it (share her faith) for her whole life! I really relate with that just now.

They also reminded me that God is a gentleman, He knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and He woos (is that even a word?) us in the most gentle and loving of ways. 

Or we need Him to confirm something for us? He will - in His own perfect time, and in His own perfect way (e.g. using the song 'Eternal Flame' or a Scripture verse or the words of a little child). Their stories also got me thinking about the idea that it is totally possible to have a spousal relationship with the Lord. 

• The MGL logo
  

Cross = the clearest, most powerful symbol of Gods great love for us, and the lengths He goes to to win our hearts. 

Flame = the flame of the Holy Spirit, the love of God poured into our hearts (Romans 5:5) 

• The way the Sisters use their gifts and talents through their Vocation, to glorify God!

It was so beautiful to hear Rosie worship lead, and share one of her songs with us - I like to write songs too, and it was a little hint at how God could and would still use my gift of music and love of songwriting for His glory, if I ended up joining the MGL's. I'm rediscovering my love for drawing during this lockdown period, and I also noticed Patti's iconography, and heard that Judy is an art teacher. It excites me, the thought that if I joined the MGL's (or any order!), I wouldn't have to give up who I was to fit into their routines and way of life, but I would be able to enhance their mission, their lives with the things that bring me joy and life. Julie put it beautifully "I've found the place I can love the most, and be loved the most...I've become more free to be me!" I hope that is true of wherever I end up. 😊

• Kat's description of the Evangelical Counsels 

Poverty = not wanting anything but Him

Chastitiy = knowing there is no love on earth that could ever satisfy other than God's love

Obedience = ultimately to God, who's love I can trust at every moment of my life

And how God made His vows to us on the cross - as He was stripped of everything, naked and covered in sores, and obedient even unto death. A love that cannot be equaled. A love that the sisters (almost wrote we - as in myself as well 🙄??)  try to imitate through these vows. 

I loved how Kat said 

"Our lives say to the world that God is so real you could marry Him!"

• One-On-One conversation with Kat

I specifically wanted to talk with a Sister who hadn't dated before entering Religious Life, because as I've mentioned before, I think the biggest thing holding me back from whole-heartedly discerning Religious Life right now is the fact I haven't dated anyone. A part of me is like 'well there must be something wrong with you then...' and there is so much pressure from society to date - cause that's the norm! Kat again put it beautifully. She said (something along these lines):

"Consecrated Life costs you nothing to discern. Don't go into a relationship just to cross marriage off the list. Instead do it the other way round and explore Consecrated Life first. Cause you could never hurt Jesus. If you date, you're risking someone elses emotions too. But with Jesus you're not!"

Though it might not be the status quo, I really have nothing to lose, and everything to gain by discerning Religious Life right now. Either I come out of this time of discernment (which never really stops) knowing that it truly is what God is calling me to, in which case yay! Or I realise that God is calling me to something else. In which case also 'yay!' cause I will be happiest whatever He calls me to! He knows what's best for me 😊
And in terms of picking the right Order - I can simply ask God to show me.
If you're called to marriage,  you don't have to go out with every single guy first just to make sure you pick the perfect one! And it's the same with Religious Life - I don't have to stress about checking out all the Orders out there...I can let God 'bring' them/show them to me.

• The 10 Patron Saints of the MGL's 

Particularly St Catherine of Siena (who I've learnt a lot about lately!), St Teresa of Avila (I'm reading 'Interior Castle' at the moment), St Terese of Lisuex (my Confirmation Saint), and St Francis de Sales (the name of the Church my Grandparents live next to).

• The MGL Mission Statement (I think?)

We the Missionaries of God's Love Sisters have each personally experience the transforming power for the love of God and the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. We desire to bring the fire of love in the heart of Jesus crucified to all whom we meet. Seeking to live at the heart of the church and serve her evangelising mission we are particularly drawn to the young, the poor and marginalised and the unchurched, so that God's love, mercy and salvation will be known by all.

• Why the MGL's don't wear a full habit

One thing on my 'Dream Sisterhood' list is wearing a habit. I just really want to be a visible sign to those around me, that God is real, and like Kat said 'real enough that you can marry Him!' Especially having grown up in NZ, where it is very rare to see Religious Sister's because most are plain clothed. So although the MGL's do wear brown and whites, one thing I was unsure of is the fact they don't wear a full habit. Judy explained why well.
She said that when we think of a habit, we often think of Teresa of Avila, or Sisters with a similar look (I don't mean facial expression, I mean head covering/veil thingy).

Judy said that this was a simple version of the fashion back then, and the Sisters wore it to fit in (but also stand out in their simplicity). So likewise, it's not normal for people to go round wearing veils today...instead the MGL's wear their plain brown and white's - a simple version of today's clothing. That makes sense to me! While a full habit is a beautiful witness in the world today, I also like the idea of being a bit more approachable and seeming more 'down to earth' - some people might be put off by a full habit, especially when you're ministering to the unchurched!

• Hearing Patti share her Vocation story 

I just felt so blessed and in awe of the fact that I was hearing the co-founder of a Religious Order speak!! You hear about founders sometimes - super holy, inspiring and (usually) dead people (but alive with Christ of course! So it was refreshing and inspiring to hear from an actual founder of a young Religious Order! I was also touched when she spoke about how she used to lie in bed as a young girl, with an image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus held to her chest. It reminded me of this image I drew back in 2017 (I think) which I had literally just talked with Kat about earlier that afternoon, after having forgotten for a couple of years! God strikes again 😍

It is now stuck on my pinboard, as a reminder of the Lord's love for me, and a constant reminder that it is possible to have a romantic/spousal relationship with Him. The phrase that featured in my prayer times and inspired this image back in 2018 was 'You are my heart, and I am Yours.'  I think that pretty perfectly sums up the Missionaries of God's Love Sisters! 

• Adoration (again)

Judy led in to this time with a great talk on God's great love for us. She mentioned how God is a gentle but strong warrior, and asked us to imagine being held in the love of God, your creator. I was again reminded of the image I drew. Hard to see but it also features lyrics from some of my favourite worship songs about God's love for us. Heading into Adoration, and every single song Rosie lead us in meant something to me - including 'Your Love Is Extravagant' which reminded me yet again of my image. I had a beautiful conversation with the Lord where He basically said "Let me be enough."

My final reflection to end up this beautiful day was:

"I am made to be in Your arms forever. Why shouldn't I seek/long for that now? And why shouldn't You?"

• Saint quote

Another God-incidence - I have been reflecting on the lives of the Saints lately, reading a little Saint story or two each night before bed, and have learnt a lit about St Catherine of Siena, as it was her feast day last week. Berna mentioned this quote from her, which I love:

• Disciples of Jesus (virtual) Gathering

This was optional, and was seriously considering not going cause I  was so exhausted and over screen time by now...But so glad I went! I loved being around charismatic people again, so unashamedly on fire for the Lord. And I hope they don't mind, but I'd sometimes 'pin' the videos of young families on my screen, and just watch their beautiful children bounce around and worship too! I can see myself being a member of this community, and I really want to meet these people in person some time! Also, as I tuned into the Gathering, the drizzle outside became a downpour for a minute or two and then stopped. And that generally happens when God is wanting to emphasise something for me, or make a point - like that He was happy with me joining the Gathering! I like that the MGL's journey alongside lay people too - they don't just pray, minister to people, hang out with other Sisters and repeat. They belong to a wider, supportive community made up of all types of people too. And in case you haven't already gotten the fact that my drawing is important to me in this season of my life...we were lead in the song 'I Am Held' by Pat Barrett.

• God-incidence five million and one of the weekend....

I didn't realise how much God was slipping in there the past weekend until I've sat down to write this. But wow He truly knows what He's doing, and what I need to hear. 

So, here's one final God-incidence - which for me is the coolest so far!

That day where this all began, in the prayer room at Jesus 4 Real camp 2018, was the day before Vocation Sunday. And that Sunday I talked with my mum about it all, and she mentioned that when she realised it was Vocation Sunday, she felt a little more at peace about it all. I remember thinking at the time, 'Well in case I needed a sign that it really was God calling me, that's it!!'

Well guess what...???!! Day one of this Discernment Weekend was the day before Vocation Sunday! It finished on Vocation Sunday!! God honestly has such perfect timing 🙌 I actually only realised this after the official retreat programme had ended, so the date crept up on me again. But man! As if I needed reassurance that God knows what He's doing - that for me is it! Only He could work it out so that on the exact day only 2 years after hearing a call to Religious Life, I was finishing off a Discernment Weekend...!!!  

So basically (if you're still with me), as you can tell from my not very brief list...the whole weekend was a highlight! Again, so happy and excited and felt so alive just taking part. I am coming to notice that even just thinking about a Vocation to Religious Life for me is so lifegiving!  

I'll leave you again with John 10:10, which came up throughout the weekend, was actually part of the Gospel on Sunday, and just keeps popping up throughout my life right now. Maybe God's trying to get a point across...life has definitely felt more full and abundant lately!

And a final prayer from Kat:

"Lord, I love you. I want to do what You want - but can you make me want it too?"