Greyness and Greatness

View from my window that helped inspire the poem below


Grey clouds, clouded mind  

Waking up, yet not alive 

Full of the unfinished  

Not possibility  

Trying to think  

Yet struggling to see 


Wet roads, damp soul 

Forgetting the good, holding the cold 

Come so far  

But so far to go 

Capable of greatness 

But stuck in the low 

 

Warm room, safe space 

Place of rest, change of pace 

Clinging to You 

But running free 

That’s where I 

Long to be 


Clouded mind, open heart 

Damp soul, still a spark 

Warm room 

Safe space 

Till I see You 

Face to face.

It’s interesting that in my confusion and brokenness and imperfection, I can still be such a powerful force for the good. Even in my battle with the bad, with negativity, with greyness, I can still be on the path to greatness.  

I long for perfection and control, but those moments where everything is least perfect and I’m spinning out of control turn out to be vessels for God’s love. Coming to the end of myself where all that’s left to do is surrender because I can’t take it any longer, leads to such beauty and growth and peace. The storm is calmed as I walk on Abba’s feet. Or rather the storm still rages, but I’m asleep in the Father’s powerful and loving arms, totally unafraid.  

I’m frustrated with the amount of times I still try to take control anyway, still try figure it all out on my own, make things my own version of perfect. When I’ve seen over and over again that the Father’s perfect is perfecter than anything I could reach on my own! When I’ve come to the end of myself many times and always been picked up by strong arms, yet forget so easily I stumble and fall again and again. My forgetfulness frustrates me.  

Yet even that is a vessel for good. Mary Magdalene gave in to her vices, slipped back into her past ways despite the redemption and love she'd accepted (see 'The Chosen' Season 2, yes I know it's not totally Biblically accurate, but I still like the meaning behind this moment). But her weakness provided a chance for Matthew and Simon, the unlikeliest couple, to grow in greatness as they worked together to bring her back to Jesus. Yes we are weak. St Paul boasts of it. But like I said earlier, rather than get lost in my weakness, my frustration, my forgetfulness, I should seek to understand the way it is bringing about goodness, in my life and the lives of those around me, as I surrender yet again, and am lifted up yet again.  

Sure, today is a grey day. I’m unmotivated and struggling to stay positive. But being low only provides more room for the Lord to lift me high! It might not be right at this moment. But let me not forget it will happen.  

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